Catching Up

I don't think I will do it justice at this late date but I will try to recall as much of God's provisions, probably a general sense of them, during the past 3 years.

In January 2006, Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a very small spot on a chest xray and it was absolutely God who caused her doctor to even see it! (God thing) She was referred to the leading oncologist at Centennial Medical Center, along with other precious physicians who were kind and took the time to explain procedures, etc. Because of the actual progression of the cancer, surgery was scheduled to remove part of her left lung. At that point it was discovered that cancer was in the lymph nodes, as well. Chemo and radiation followed quickly and she did that for about 6 months.

Living 1 1/2 hours away from Nashville posed a potential hassle for receiving treatments which were every day for radiation and once a week for chemo. There is an amazing resource called Hope Lodge, where patients receiving treatments can stay free of charge. (God thing) Mom and Dad stayed there during her time of treatment. She never lost her hair but did experience side effects due to the radiation/chemo/pill regiment.

2 months passed between Mom's treatments and scan that everything looked good and the time Dad started getting sick. (God thing.) In August of 2006, Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer, unknown origin. They never knew where his cancer started. The 2 months time frame was a God thing to me because they weren't getting treatments at the same time. Mom was still very weak but the busyness of each illness took place at separate times.

Dad began chemo treatments right away. What he didn't know after the initial oncology visit was that without treatment he had only 3 months. The doctor was some hopeful at the 2nd visit that treatments could help so Dad agreed to chemo. I don't know if he ever knew the initial thought of the oncologist.

Dad lost his hair and it came back black...just like his Daddy's! What chemo did for Dad was give him 6 months. But in that time we were able to go to Disney World at Christmas 2006...Mom, Dad, Ronnie, Julia, and myself. We stayed at at DW resort and had lots of fun. It was also sad because I think Mom knew then that Dad wouldn't make it.

Back to God things: Mom and Dad's family doctor is a Christian man. God thing. He prayed with them on numerous occasions. God thing. He made sure they had the right and best doctors. God thing. When February 2007 came and we had to get Hospice for Dad, Dr. Chastain recommended the best...and we got them. God Thing. ANYTIME Mom or Dad needed medical attention while at home, Dr. Chastain's office was there. God thing. Of course, Mom worked part-time for Dr. Chastain so they had built a relationship. When Dr. Chastain knew that Dad had cancer too, he took off on his motorcycle and couldn't tell my parents until he had spent a little time away in prayer. Dr. Chastain and Greta Minton were with us the night Dad passed away. What a huge blessing that was! Dr. Chastain was able to pronounce him at home. He called the funeral home. He and Greta loved on us like nobody else would have. God thing.

Dad went home to be with the Lord on February 16, 2007. After only 1 week with hospice. I had hoped for more yet didn't want him to suffer. I would pray that God would take him on but when he was taking his last breaths I prayed "just one more. Take one more breath". What a battle. But he didn't lie in a state of vegetation or anything. He was only completely out of it for a day or so.

God is not separate from or on the outside of our circumstances. He is in the middle. Carrying us. Walking with us. Putting people in our lives who love us and encourage us. People who are His hands and feet. God ordains what happens in our lives...not to hurt us but to draw us to Himself. To make us more like Christ.

How Close is God?

Closer than I think sometimes. I know He is there all the time but sometimes things are so hectic that I forget. It isn't Him that has moved, but me. I become so consumed with things going on around me that I don't turn to Him when I should. The last few days have been so precious. Like He has been holding me the whole time. Like a Father would hold his little girl when she is crying. This morning I realized or thought about how we might have a more intimate relationship with God if we turned to Him immediately when there was a problem or just stayed in communion with Him at all times. "Pray without ceasing"...I don't think that means to do nothing else but pray the entire time but instead means to be in a spirit of prayer at all times. Driving, cooking, cleaning, helping kids with homework, whatever....just be at His feet always.

When I spend time in His word or listen to good, solid Christian music, I am more in tune to feeling Him or hearing from him. It is when I get "busy" with other things that I am distracted from His gaze. I need to be more intentional about my time with the Lord. He is so precious and His love for me is great. "I love you people with a love that will last forever. That is why I have continued showing you kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

The Hand of God

Being a Detective for the Divine....God's hand is actively working in the lives of His children and the world. We are too busy, however, to notice it much of the time. Throughout the series of events over the past 3 years...from my parents both being diagnosed with cancer to the church split...God's hand has been there. Not always apparent at the time but looking back there are many AHA moments. Times are too numerous to count when I would be discouraged or depressed or doubting or fearful that I would drive by a church sign that spoke directly to my anxious heart. "Be still"..."Be anxious for nothing"...over and over again. Or what I read would be along the same lines of what I needed to hear at the time. Or an email or card from a friend that would remind me of God's presence even in the hard times. Or a song or sermon that addressed my need. God loves us too much to leave us where we are. He shapes us to be more like Him. "When you grow more and more in love with Jesus and you spend time with Him, you become more like Him." (Revive Our Hearts 8-13-08) So grateful for His ever-present hand on my life!

God's Faithfulness

we had a church split in April 2008. While I had been through one before, this was the most difficult. Many of our friends left with the pastor. Hard feelings, anger, hurt, disappointment, so many other emotions I can't identify. Who was wrong in the situation? Everybody, probably. While it isn't easy to do, I am trying to see this like when Barnabus and Paul separated in their ministry. For whatever reason the 2 went their separate ways. They separated for the sake of the gospel. Hurt feelings involved? I'm sure. So...I'm thinking "for the sake of the gospel" 2 churches will be working for the kingdom.
There is also the scripture in Philippians 1:15-17

15It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.^[c] 18But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

This has been a most difficult season as our church tries to heal, although not necessarily in a healthy way. Just sweeping it under the rug and not looking at our own sin has been the way it is being handled and that is not right. I pray that through this God will draw our hearts to Himself in a very real and personal way and will convict where we have been wrong. I have to trust in God's faithfulness to use this to His glory. Not a random molecule...He knows everything that happens and uses everything to bring us to Himself and to bring glory to His kingdom.

I struggle much with seeing the people who have left...most of them, anyway. I have much anger and disappointment toward the pastor. Just like Joseph and his brothers...what they meant for evil, God meant for good...God will use this situation for His good.

New to blogging!

I have finally caved and figured out how to post blogs on the internet. I wish I had learned how sooner. My purpose in wanting to blog is that I want to remember what the Lord is doing in my life but I don't keep up with writing my thoughts, etc. in paper journals. So, we'll see how this goes. I will have to catch up on some things and then hopefully I can keep up with my thoughts online.